“I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”
—Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner
I’ve been there.
I’ve let go of friendships because they were detrimental to my mental and emotional well-being. I’ve walked away from years of companionship because I wanted to grow, and they didn’t want to grow with me. I had let it go.
I was finished with the friendship. I had already washed my hands clean of it, and I had moved on. However, God (and life) has a funny way of working. Fairly recently, one of the friendships that I had walked away from, came back into my life- just years later. At first, I wasn’t sure how to feel. I mean, I had thought that the chapter with our friendship written on it had closed. I felt strange- still disappointed, and even a bit angry. I mean how could they just waltz back into my life after the scar they left? How was I supposed to feel? Heck, how was I supposed to just get over the fact that they were back?
There’s a scar, clumsily healed in an effort to move on.
The simple answer is- you just have to. Maybe, like me, it will take you years. Maybe you need to write about why you feel the way you do. Maybe you need to pray. Maybe you need to take your emotions out of the situation. Maybe you need to talk it out with someone.
In my case, I was bitter and disappointed. I had no idea that I even still felt this way, because I never really addressed the situation. I just left it. Apparently, I needed to confront it. I needed to call it what it was. And you know what? Now, when we speak, I don’t feel bitterness. I don’t feel anger. We have full conversations. The friendship isn’t what it used to be… but maybe that’s for the best.
Now, I know that letting go doesn’t just mean letting go of the people and things stunting your growth; it also means letting go of yourself. It means letting go of the negative emotions (even those things that are self-crippling).
